Your Guardian Angel
by Kurosaki-Kun187
Summary: Ichigo is injured, and Rukia swears that she will be the one to protect him in the future.
1. Forever and Ever

**A/N **

**This is my first Bleach fic, just so you all know. It would be appreciated to get a few reviews, just to see if you guys like it ^.^ otherwise I might not keep writing T.T oh well! So I hope you enjoy it and I guess if you guys want a theme song to listen to while reading this….hmmmm…..I choose the song**

**Guardian Angel by the Red Jumpsuit Apparatus I don't know why just enjoy lol**

He lay on the floor, chest aching with every breath. He hadn't killed his enemy…at least not yet. He dragged himself forward, on his one good arm. He had to get up again; he had to finish what he had started once and for all. Suddenly, he broke into a coughing fit, chest searing with pain. Blood stained the grass as an end result…is this what was making him so light headed? The thundering of footsteps could be felt on the ground where he lay, but he couldn't care less.

"Ichigo..." A raven haired girl tested cautiously, reaching out to him delicately.

No response.

"C-Can I…" she touched his shoulder tentatively. He flinched a bit, and then relaxed. But as soon as he would have thought it was over, again he keeled over into a vicious cycle of coughing, blood staining the grass and streaming down his mouth.

She turned him over gently, examining his body. She listed his injuries: bruises, cuts, sword arm broken but nothing horrible. She made her way down his body, pressing firmly in his chest area. He hissed audibly and his breathing became heavier and slower as blood pumped its way down his neck. Bruised lungs…no. The aftermath wouldn't be that severe. Broken rib maybe…Her eyes widened as another option dug its way through her head. She gingerly ran her fingers over his chest again, her touch as light as a feather. The break wasn't clean, and in the time she spent in Squad Four (so many countless years ago) it seemed to have punctured his lungs.

Tears streamed from her eyes, and she felt embarrassed and helpless. All she could do was cry, cry and cry. For once she wanted to protect him…but whenever she tried he always ended up being the one who protected her. She hardly noticed when Renji gently picked her up around the waist and gave her a hug as members of the Fourth placed Ichigo on a stretcher, hooking up a mask to his face. She nearly burst into tears again at the sight of him so helpless…so innocent…so…

She collapsed into tears again, staining Renji's uniform as she sobbed. He would always get hurt trying to protect her…but next time it would be different. She would protect him, and she would never have to see the look of fear and pain in his eyes again. She could hold him every night knowing that she would be there for him, and it wouldn't always be him that would throw his life away again, and again.

"I love you," Rukia half whispered and half sobbed, her memories flashing before her eyes. "Forever…"


	2. Unexpected

**A/N Sorry I did this in a hurry, I was really busy. So it's kinda horrible, so again…tell me what you think and if I should keep writing : P Umm….song for the chapter**

**First song that came to mind was How To Save A Life by The Fray**

**Enjoy!**

He felt horrible…physically. He felt nauseous, had a headache and couldn't see properly. As far as he was concerned it was also pretty noisy. Voices swirled around him, and the lights from the ceiling made his head split. He rolled over onto his side, barely biting back a cry of pain. His racing heart was measured on the machine nearby, an annoying sound that was relentlessly doing its job. He groaned and rolled over onto his back, covering his eyes with his hand to shield him from the light.

The light tap of feet was nearing, gentle and hesitant. He slightly opened his eyes and let down his hand, and the outline of the nearing figure was short, followed by a much taller figure with bushed up hair tied together. His vision blurred together and swayed, hardly clearing up as oxygen was pumped through the mask, into his mouth and lungs. The rubbery regulator fogged up with his exhales, at least a small sign he was going to hold up. A cold hand pushed his hair back; it felt nice and cool considering how warm the room was.

Then she began whispering to him, like a mix between consolations and recollections of past events.

"Alright….taken…..Captains…..enemy…..retreat…..dying…..remember…OK…..days….."

And it went on like this for a few minutes, Ichigo picking up a few words here and there. His impression was that he seemed to pick up the main idea of what Rukia was telling him, her small hand gently resting on his shoulder. She squeezed his arm a little bit as he felt a sharp prick through his wrist and the rushing feeling of liquid entering his veins.

Except this liquid burned…

He gritted his teeth together, and clenched and unclenched his fists. He bit back a scream, sweat streaming down his face in effort. The pain was slithering up his arms and spreading like a web all over his body at an alarmingly fast rate. _What have they done to me?_

Everything moved in slow motion, people's voices muffled.

"Captain Unohana!" cried a familiar voice, calling for the one person who could possibly help him. She began talking quickly, the Captain nodding her head in understanding and immediately knew what to do. They strapped his arms to his sides and strapped his neck to the sickbed. His eyes met with Rukia's, reflecting fear and pain. And almost as soon as it had started, it was over…it was finally over. He took a shaky breath as the restraints were released and fell into a deep and dark sleep.

Rukia collapsed on a chair, breathing hard. She knew there was a chance this might happen, that his body might have rejected it….but it supposed to have been a one-in-a-million thing. She shook her head, at least happy that Captain Unohana knew what to do. The substance within the syringe was liquefied spiritual energy, like sharing blood. It was only used in dire cases when the victim's own energy is too depleted. It seems like Ichigo's spiritual energy was "Type O".

Rukia sighed.


	3. Gone

**A/N Idk what to say just enjoy and plz leave reviews! The theme for this one would be...**

**Goodbye (I'm Sorry) by And Then I Turned Seven**

**Hope you enjoy it ;)**

He couldn't move…it wasn't because of restraints. He just couldn't move, like it wasn't up to him to move. It wasn't his hollow, and he couldn't be dying; his heart was battering roughly at his broken ribs. _What's happening to me…why aren't I pushing through this? _An unseen barrier blocked him from consciousness, leaving him in a cold, dark void…

~In The Fourth Squad Relief Station~

Rukia looked down at her feet…how could she have let that happen, knowing full well of the risk? She looked at Ichigo, looked at how pale his face was, how shallow his breathing had become. A shiver coursed its way through his body. Rukia walked over towards him, slowly. She tentatively reached out a hand towards him, gently tracing the lines of the palm of his hand. She lay her forehead on his, her fingertips gingerly resting where his heart was, reveling in the sound of the beating that was keeping him alive. The air generator was roughly pumping air down his throat, and looking at it from where she was it looked uncomfortable. She wouldn't remove it, perhaps just turn it down a little…her hand shook as she turned down the output of oxygen, and she could see the relaxation of his body, the ease of his unconscious movements.

A silent tear ran down her cheek and she quickly wiped it away, not wanting to show any sign of weakness. _He's hurt because of me…because I'm holding him back. If I really loved him…I would let him go…._

And her departing thoughts and departing tear were her last memories in that room. Her last memories of him…ones that would hurt her forever.

And with those last thoughts, she whipped her head around and ducked through the open window.

Agitated murmuring echoed through the halls of the Seireitei, hitting Renji's ears. His eyes narrowed and he quickened his pace and parted the crowds with his silent authority. His stride changed into a light jog, then transcended into a full on run.

"Rukia Kuchiki, she had disappeared last night didn't she…?" Renji ran past an officer who was asking the general question. A sharp glare silenced him, and the Sixth Company's lieutenant ran on through the halls, almost bursting and crashing through the Fourth's doors.

Then he stopped.

A sharp and blood-curling wail seeped through the doors and slithered its way down the hallway. It was a cry of pain, fear and shock. The clattering of different equipment as Ichigo took of the chords, syringes and machine links finally made Renji burst through the doors.

"Ichigo! What the hell are you doing!" The red haired shinigami backed the previously called "ryoka" into a corner. He could see a sickly white shade enter his face, his eyes dull without their previous pride and power. Ichigo's body shook, not from pain or from withdrawal of medicine, but his body shook from his fear…the shock of past events.

Ichigo tried to push Renji aside, at least giving him a small wake to move…to breathe. His vision swayed and blurred, clearing up every once in a while. Ichigo grabbed Renji by the neck of his shirt and shoved him against the wall, switching previous positions, Renji now the one around the equipment. _He's surprisingly strong for someone's who's injured…_

"Back off!" Ichigo had raised his voice, rough from disuse. His hands loosened off of Renji's shirt, head lowered, and turned around stumbling towards the door. He turned his head, a barely audible whisper.

"Just stay away from me…"


	4. Just A Dream

**A/N Hope at least a few people are keeping up with this :P And remember please review. I need your opinions! (And if you could share this with some people to maybe review too, just if you think they would enjoy it). So umm…the theme for this chapter maybe could be…**

**Just A Dream by Nelly **

**Enjoy :)**

What was he going to do, scream about her departing? _No…_ Instead he pounded his fist against the rough wall, then grimaced with the pain and stupidity, seeing his bloodied knuckles…the almost instant inflammation.

But it had been weeks since she had left, and nothing had changed. People acted like nothing happened…like no one was gone. Ichigo blocked himself off from everyone…they noticed. They noticed the look in his eyes when they mentioned her name, or something reminded him of her.

Rukia.

God, she was stubborn. And a tough woman. Closed in. Closed off. Except when she was with his younger siblings, or even Orihime. Or even sometimes…when she was looking at him. He sat back against the wall, memories cycling through his brain. Rukia looking at him….laughing, her endless bravery in the face of battle, the look on her face…sympathetic and caring. Loving.

To his own embarrassment, warm tears stung his eyes. He blinked, and wiped them away. There wasn't any point in sulking now. She was gone…and she wasn't going to come back. At least not anytime soon…

He wished she were here, at least somewhere in the room with him, if she wasn't next to him. Then at least so he could hear her breathing.

It would be hard to sleep without her again, tonight.

_He walked through the never-ending hallways, not sure where he was going or why….just that it was urgent. He turned to the left not too much time later and arrived in a room. Nothing in it, like an empty warehouse. Except no boxes. No windows. No lights. Just one big empty room. _

_"Ichigo," he whipped his head around, face a cold mask. The voice echoed, like it wasn't real…and wasn't in the room with him. _

_"What do you want? Who the hell are you?" Questions fired from him, an automatic reflex. He wanted to know who he was facing before he battled. Old habit. _

_Yet the voice was eerily familiar…then he placed it. Was it…could it be? _

No, _he shook his head. She left, and she wasn't coming back. _

_His throat felt tight…and he was afraid to speak. So he wouldn't break._

Sometimes…_he thought. _She is so much stronger than I could ever be…

_A dark shadow manifested itself in the corner. Forming a shape. A figure. It was short, with short hair too. Well, at least coming down to its shoulders, a little bit below. And it finally formed. It was a familiar form, too. _

_"Rukia…" His voice didn't crack, to his relief. _

_She acknowledged that with a simple nod. "Ichigo, it's too early to wish for things. To happen. Sometimes…you have to let go…" And as if she was made of sand, she blew away, and his last vision of her was of her sad eyes…_

His eyes snapped open, his body shaking. But, the thought already crossed his mind.

_It wasn't real._

It was only just a dream. A lost one. The only thing that his subconscious would give him was more pain than he needed. He didn't need fantasies about whether she was coming back. She wasn't.

His arm hurt…really bad. Since the Fourth had let him out fairly early, without him being fully healed, he hadn't let his sword arm recover. He had been using it quite roughly the past couple of weeks. There wasn't anything to do anymore, so a pointless pastime had to suffice sometimes.

He gritted his teeth against the pain…occasionally he couldn't even move his arm now. And when he tried…

A cry of pain escaped his lips and he quickly clamped his mouth shut. No doubt someone heard that…great.

But at the moment he reveled in the pain…at least something else to think about other than his hopeless wishes.

He lay there for a few minutes, completely still. Breathing deeply and slowly. Quietly.

The doors opened and a tall figure walked in.

"Renji…" Ichigo sneered as the red-head strolled in further.

He didn't say a word, just pulled up a chair and sat next to Ichigo's bed. The orange-haired shinigami sat up, refraining habitually from putting too much weight on his right arm.

"What do you want?" He said flatly, not looking the lieutenant in the face. Just staring straight ahead. "I thought I told you to stay away from me."

Renji simply looked at him, scanning his face. "Only the whole hallway could hear you." The lieutenant's eyes drifted over to Ichigo's arm. "You know you can't win, Ichigo. Your body will keel over sometime soon. You can't go on like this forever." His eyes continued scanning Ichigo, the dark circles under his eyes, his loss of weight. "You aren't strong enough."

"Strong enough to do this," Ichigo countered, using his right arm and slamming his fist into Renji's face. Ichigo winced and sucked in air through his teeth, the pain was horrible.

Renji's nose was bleeding, but that was all he could do. It's the action that counts. Renji shook his head. "Ichigo, people are only trying to help you," he got up and put the chair back. "Don't do something you'll regret."

There was only one last thing that Ichigo wanted to do before he changed his plan of action. Ever since he came to Soul Society, he had been wanting to see the Central 46. It was still empty, there still wasn't a new council. It seemed immature, but for some reason he felt that he should go there. He shrugged and got out of bed and quickly changed into his shihakusho, and quietly ran out the door. He had heard there were issues in the Chamber. Still…after Aizen. But…he didn't just want to go to the Central. He…_oh crap. _He was sent on a small task there from his temporary squad. He was sent to check out the chambers and report any flaws and dangers found in the area.

Ichigo blinked. He hadn't realized where he was. While he was thinking he hadn't realized how far he'd come. He was in the Central Chamber, like the court room. Things were decided here. He looked around, taking slow and cautious steps. Another habit. The ceiling was high…really high. There were rows of seats to seat the members of the 46, a large and steep flight of stairs leading to each and every row. It was so surreal, he suppressed a small laugh. If this was only one room…well, it didn't matter anyways. He wasn't here for a tour.

Room after room he passed and nothing seemed wrong with the place so why was he sent here?

He arrived in the bottom chamber, the lowest underground. The air was moist and it was dark and damp. The cold, hard floor had small water puddles on it. _What the hell?_ As far as he was concerned, no one came down here, so why the hell was there water? His head spun with questions, one of them being _Why does the ceiling have cracks in it, and why the hell does the floor have water on it? _The two seemed to be connected, whether it was a good thing or not. He sat against the damp walls, sitting there for a few minutes. _What does it all mean? _

It all came to him then…

_This_ wasn't just a dream.


	5. Set Me Free

**A/N Nothing to say really, just that the theme is:**

**Set Me Free by Jam & Spoon feat. (Lautlos Remix) or something like that ;)**

**Hope u enjoy!**

Empty rooms closed in on him…there was no way out. Creaking and the sound of rushing water met his ears as he prepared for a torrent of water. Any minute now…and then there was a crash, loud and leaving an eerie silence…nothing had happened. And then it burst forth, all hell breaking loose in restrained fury. Dragged underwater from the currents, gasping and sobbing for breath, there was no way out. The vigorous waves filled his mouth, choking him in coughs. He pushed himself upwards, but the ever rising and changing waters, only pushing him back down again, lungs screaming for air. Another deep crash was heard, and a sharp smack hit the water not too far from him. And then it happened so quickly…

He had finally gotten to the surface when a new torrent burst in from the other sides. The water mixed between each other, relentless and unforgiving. He didn't have time to think, to act…his body was slammed roughly against the wall, making his vision blur. The ceiling was falling apart. His head ached horribly and crimson was staining the water around him.

A white-hot, searing pain burst in his chest and a scream of pain echoed around the room. Blood trailed from his mouth, dripping down his neck and into the water. The ceiling was collapsing…on him. Then as soon as it started, it was over. The water level was slowly decreasing, and wavering going up and down at a certain level.

Water lapped at the Shinigami's stomach…a silent and quick shiver ran through his body. The water was ice cold and steadily rising in the Central 46 chamber. The slithering cold was stained…thick, sticky and red with blood. Shaking with overwhelming cold, he put his back against the wall…and slid down, coming to a seat in the now chest high water.

_This is it…all this time it finally had to come to this. _He thought as the water rose up to his mouth.

_Pain…Cold…_ And everything went black in a torrent of cold agony.

Doors flew open as the Fourth's Relief Team rushed in with stretchers ready.

Noises flew around Ichigo in a jumble of voices and yelling, threatening to make his head explode.

Ichigo opened his eyes, nauseated by the spinning of the room…or so he thought it to be that way. He stirred, and a gasp of pain escaped his lips as his cracked ribs shifted, smothering him in raw agony.

He couldn't remember a thing.


	6. Together At Last

**A/N Heyy, hard to stay inspired :P I need feedback peeps! Anyways, this isn't the last chapter (not if I can help it XD) and yeah..just enjoy :P**

**Theme for this one (thinks)**

**Boston by Augustana (shrugs) **

**dunno lol hope u like it :P**

~Months After the Flood~

White haori trailing behind him, the number 14 etched onto the back, Ichigo walked down the Seireitei halls. Off to yet another Captains meeting…about the sixth today. He had no breaks, as soon as he left one, he was called to another.

"All captains report to the meeting, immediately!" A hell butterfly announced, message being carried all across the Seireitei.

And then a familiar feeling manifested itself behind his eyes. It felt like a huge headache, trying to crack his head open from the inside. He shook it off, _priorities first_. Again and again, the announcements went off…_We don't need a constant reminder! _Ichigo was sick and tired of this. He didn't want this, there were too many responsibilities and a never ending to-do list.

_Note to Self: Resign soon_

He burst in the front doors of the meeting room and it was unbearable. He felt like someone was tearing his head apart and smashing it with a hammer. He clamped his mouth shut so he wouldn't get sick right in front of the Gotei 13…_well 14 now I guess. _He stumbled forward blearily, taking his place beside the 13th Company Captain.

"The Seireitei…" the Head Captain began, all heads turning turning in his direction.

_This is going to be a long one…_Ichigo thought, bored. When wasn't it different. But this time he wasn't so sure he could hold out for as long. He gritted his teeth together….he didn't want to have to show any weakness…not in front of these people anyways. He would make it…and then resign.

~A Few Hours Later~

A cold sweat ran down Ichigo's face, hands shaking and clenching. _What's happening to me…this has never happened before…._ He just wanted to stop holding back and scream his lungs out. Until he lost his voice. He didn't give a crap if it was disrespectful or screwed his name as Captain.

He opened his eyes, not noticing that he had closed them, finding himself on his hands and knees, gaze fixed on the floor. _What the hell…_ And before he knew it warm tears stung his eyes, running down his now pale face, and dropping onto the wooden floor, one after another.

Memories flashed before his mind. Times with _her. _He couldn't stand to even mention her name anymore. The Captains were all looking at him, not sure what to make of the situation.

"I'm not crazy…" Ichigo mumbled, not sure why. "I…" He began to explain, until he felt a hand rest on his shoulder. He wasn't sure who it was, and he didn't care.

He was alone.

~Through The Halls Of The Seireitei~

"Kuchiki…"

"Rukia…"

"Traitor…"

All these words stung Rukia's ears. She had come back. It wasn't what she had intended but she felt that she had made a mistake. Leaving did nothing for her or anyone else, and neither did coming back. So what was the difference?

The halls were very empty, hardly a Shinigami populated it. Only those who remained threw out remarks about her return. Unappreciated remarks. The Squads were all on a mission in the World of the Living. Seemed important so they might be there for a while. She searched for _him._ The one she left. Who she couldn't even…she couldn't even say his name. Think it. Her throat felt closed up, the familiar feeling. It's been familiar for the past few months. She shook her head, now wasn't the time for trivial emotions.

Searching for his spiritual pressure, the familiar heavy and stifling energy, she began to run. Fast as she possibly could. _Where was he? _

And there it was…a sudden crash in her senses. She could feel it. He was close.

She wiped a tear from her eyes, and looked up at the sky.

She was coming for him.

~Somewhere in the Seireitei~

He stumbled forward, legs like rubber, hammer still cracking against his head. They had dismissed him. _Great, that just made my rep…_Ichigo thought sourly. His body gave an involuntary shudder. _Bad things have been happening to me ever since she left…only after she left. Time and time again… _Ichigo acknowledged. _And I…_He couldn't finish the thought.

He felt it. She was here. But things had changed…he didn't need her. He had grown off of her. _It was her fault she left. _Her fault she lost him.

But he didn't have it in him to lie to himself. He needed her.

And he wasn't going to deny it.

He could barely stand upright, but for her. For her he could.

With a sharp intake of breath he ran. Flash step. Not now. He passed the barracks, the Central 46, and the repentance tower. He would find her. He could feel her.

And then it all happened so fast.

A lithe, short and raven haired form slammed into him, holding him in a tight embrace. He couldn't believe it…_How…when? _He could feel his body shaking. But he wasn't in tears. _Rukia..._

And they stayed there…together.

Together at last.


	7. I Miss You

_Even if the distance is vast…_

There was an endless road, going for miles in that direction. The road split at one point, approximately in the middle. One path led to fate…the other…

To love.

_Or the struggle is great… _

His feet dragged on the cold cement, cold rain ran down his face. A shiver ran up his body. _How much further…? _Weak thoughts penetrated his will.

For her.

_Even if I did not know where to search…_

The endless expanse of water stretched in front of his eyes. In another direction, an unbelievable landscape…filled only with sand, and where the clouds met…a moon sunk down from…

Sky.

_Or simply how to start…_

What could it mean? Why was it here? Why was he here? A search for only one. Just one. But…where…? _A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step…_

He put his foot forward…

And so it began...

_Even if the road ahead is blocked…_

He saw no way to go…no matter which way you chose there would be complications. Obstacles. But he had to go…had to try.

She needed him.

_Or I can no longer walk…_

His knees buckled and he sank to the cold, hard path. He couldn't get up. Couldn't move a muscle. It was like everything he had hoped for…and his resolve had disappeared. It was gone…as was his strength.

Darkness...

_Even if every bone in my body shatters…_

He screamed in pain as the agony tore from his chest. He felt like he was being ripped apart from the inside, though that actually wasn't the case. His small body was like an ant compared to the force that was fate. Fate destroyed everything. Resolve. Soul. Will.

Heart.

_Or if everyone tells me other wise…_

The young man didn't welcome contradiction. He fought force with force, opposing to another's opinions. He wanted to be right. He was afraid. Afraid to be wrong. To be wrong about death. Death…

Consuming.

_Even if you do not want me to save you…_

Her voice was raised, trying to bigger than him. Trying to hurt him…to tell him to leave. She didn't want this. She left to protect him. Everything would be for nothing…not if he died here. She knew he was too stubborn to listen…too stubborn to think about the consequences. She didn't care.

Neither did he.

_Or will hate me for doing so…_

She pounded her fists against his chest. _That fool! _A tear stung her eyes and stained the orange-haired shinigami's shihakusho. _Just…_

_Leave me..._

_I will save you…_

He took her around her waist, gently, and ran. Smoothly. Hardly a bump disturbed her rest. She could hear his heart…a relentless beating. It was smooth and undisturbed. Consistent.

Like her love.

_Because nothing else can change my world…_

They broke out of their embrace. Their kiss. Both were sucking in deep breaths. They had forgotten too. Their love left them blissfully ignorant. They saw past each other's flaws. But that is what made their love all the greater…

All the more potent…

**A/N hope u enjoyed ;) I know I update very frequently. I need inspiration…and I try to find it but I need ur help guys. Help me get feedback. I need to know what I should do better, what I'm doing right :P**

**But I guess the theme (play the song while you read if you want…idk lol)**

**I Miss You by Basshunter**


	8. Leave Me Here

Ichigo blearily opened his eyes to face a new day…_Great. _He felt a small weight lying across his chest and stomach. He gently picked her up by her waist, not feeling her wake, he set her one the bed where he was not a moment ago. He thought about last night. _Crap…last night was great. _

He quickly and routinely popped two small, yet intimidating, pills from the Fourth into his mouth, no water necessary. They were supposed to stop the headaches that were now starting to interfere with his actions and speech, but instead they probably made it worse. He didn't want to have to rely on drugs to get out of this.

He swiftly changed into his shinigami robes, and ran out the door. Quietly, of course. As he ran to the Squad 14 barracks, he slipped on his haori, the familiar symbols etched onto the fabric, black staining white. He had the familiar weight of Zangetsu, constantly remaining in its shikai state, strapped across his shoulders and back. The short trip to the Fourteenth's barracks was roughly fifteen to twenty minutes without shunpo, and he would take his time. It was too early to rush to work. He slowed his jog down to a walk, and he took time to look around. Around at the now too familiar white buildings and walls surrounding him. Sometimes it felt as though he was suffocating in blankness, but not today. He didn't have time for such trivial matters.

He continued his stroll down through the Seireitei, calmly taking small and short detours. His eyes were growing heavy, he hadn't had much sleep in the past week. Paperwork, admissions, certifications…that whole load of crap seemed to pile itself up on him each day. His lieutenant had fallen in battle not too long ago, and they weren't close. But still…

They hadn't found a replacement for him, probably not for a while longer. They will probably take an officer from another squad who shows promising abilities. He had been so busy lately, (and he had to admit he was forgetful to even the most important of matters) he hadn't eaten in a few days…but with familiarity came ignorance. He didn't care right now, he had other priorities. As he acknowledged those facts…many feelings gnawed at his stomach. Guilt. Worry. Stress. Liabilities. Work. Feelings. Women…well that one was at least pleasant. Hunger…one of the least pleasant of all. The only painful one really… And the list could go on and on…anger, necessity, recollections. They all took their toll and then he ended up like he was now. Dark circles under his eyes, losing weight, stressed to the point of occasional tears (which mind you wasn't very frequent). Hell, how he would have loved to resign.

His mind turned to Rukia…the only one he loved. She had done so many things for him…since she came back. Couple of months ago, they were holding each other in the middle of the Seireitei, reunited at last. She had helped him when he was sick, treated his wounds after battles, helped with the huge stacks of papers almost piled to the ceiling after he collapsed, exhausted. She had taken care of him, and for the first time in months. Maybe even years…he was genuinely happy. She was like a mother…cared for him like one, yet he loved her like any man and woman would.

He managed to suppress a wince as hunger took another stab at him. He was a bit lightheaded…but maybe he was just overdosing. He took four to five pills per day, probably more than he should. He got a bit dizzy, if he was unlucky, but he was able to just pass it off.

He leaned against a blank, white wall, struggling to keep consciousness. He would have loved to take a couple of hours…The world was fading in an out of focus, it was familiar and uncomfortable. Something he would never get used to.

He quickly stood up, not in the mood for being yelled at for an hour for dozing off somewhere in the middle of the Seireitei.

For the past few months, he realized, he had been getting the crap. He had been getting sick, hurt, scolded over and over again. It was a non-stop cycle. And every single time, Rukia would worry her ass over him, almost in tears. He didn't want to worry her anymore…thanks to him and his careless attitude, that was pretty much impossible.

He began to hurry to the barracks now, the sun peaking and casting a dim glow over the Soukyoku Hill.

"…urosaki" A voice called. He had just noticed it as it called for perhaps the fourth time. He turned his head in the direction of the voice, to his left, and saw a familiar face.

Captain Hitsugaya.

The small figure walked to the orange-haired shinigami with haste, not wasting any time.

Ichigo only vaguely noticed movements and words. Eyes closing unwillingly, he snapped the back open and shook his head.

The small captain narrowed his eyes at him, inspecting him and scanning him. He gave him an inquisitive glance, uncomfortable on its victim. "Is something wrong, Kurosaki?" Hitsugaya broke the silence, a sudden statement that didn't leave Ichigo time to think. Hitsugaya didn't even leave him time to answer the question. "You are needed at the Senkaimon. There is a task at your hands, you and Abarai will travel to the world of the living. There is an issue that requires your attendance. No briefing will be necessary," The captain continued as Ichigo opened his mouth to intervene. "The situation will be clear when you arrive."

Ichigo merely nodded. He had been itching for a small challenge, something to do other than work.

He began his light jog, which transcended into a run to the main Senkaimon. Minutes passed before he was there, excitement seemingly cutting the time between his arrival and departure. He met the lieutenant at the gate, hell butterflies fluttering before the doors.

A quiet look passed between the two shinigami, personalities so similar they were one step ahead of each other.

The doors burst open, a pale white light engulfed them, an unfamiliar light to them both. They hadn't been to the world of the living since…well they had both lost track.

They stepped through the doors, hell butterflies guiding them along the path, running quickly to get a start on the task ahead.

They dropped out of the Senkaimon and lightly landed on the path running along the river. Where Ichigo's mother had died…

Ichigo had gone silent, staring into the water…remembering the bloodstained grass and the flooded river. The girl…the mockery of a human being. How she had died for him…

He cleared his head of those thoughts, now wasn't the time. He was here for a reason.

He could sense no spiritual pressure, whether it was because the problem was to come, or it was hiding itself…it was unknown.

Ichigo felt a twinge in the back of his head…a sudden presence, but disappeared almost as soon as he noticed it.

"Renji…don't let your guard down," Ichigo pointed out the obvious, again. Renji simply gave him the look that said: _You don't need to tell me, dumb-ass._

A foreboding tension in the air caught Ichigo's attention. He was getting restless…knowing something was in the area but so helpless as to where it is.

Renji shot him a wry smile. "What is it…bit worried are ya? Bit out of shape?"

"You want to say that again?" Ichigo flashed back, annoyance evident in his tone.

The continued along the streets, by the banks, and through the fields. Nothing had happened.

Ichigo slumped against a tree, bored. "We were sent here to kill something and it doesn't even bother to show up?" He complained. "Hell…We should just go back," Ichigo continued on, pretty uninspired to do much else.

"Ichigo, try using your head a little!" Renji began to raise his voice. "The Head Captain will have our heads if we don't finish the job!"

He had a point…

_~Late into the night~_

Still…all was quiet. The streets were empty, the lights buzzing along the sides. Stores were dark, nothing was open. Everything was asleep. But not the two Soul Reapers. They had been walking around in circles around town for hours and hours, their unfinished task still…well, incomplete. Then there was that twinge in Ichigo's senses. Something was there….and it was closer than before. Then everything became clear…it was hiding itself all along. Ichigo's eyes widened and fear flooded his senses. An enemy similar to a hollow that could hide its spiritual pressure like that…

_"_Renji! Get down!" Ichigo yelled, drawing out Zangetsu to block the oncoming onslaught. Adrenaline pumped itself through his veins, giving him an extra boost of energy. He jumped backwards, distancing himself from his now visible enemy. Looked like a hollow, except it had no mask and no hole, and its zanpakuto seemed to be connected to one of its arms, and he was assuming there was something up with its other limbs too.

Gathering all his energy together, he placed his left hand over his right arm, the reiatsu flying around him in torrents. "Bankai!" The familiar word was stated, allowing the captain to go into his second released state. "Tensa Zangetsu…" The name of his sword echoed around the field, leaving Ichigo in his changed shihakusho, torn at the ends and tighter around him. The long black blade glinted in the moonlight, leaving an ominous glow around the shinigami.

Renji stood at the sidelines, watching the captain battle. It was remarkable how much he had grown since he had arrived in Soul Society. But….there was still the matter of his inner hollow to attend to. Renji would come back to that later, if he lived, and joined in the fray. Exploding into his large serpent-like bankai, he had most ground covered with no effort.

_Crap this thing is fast, _Ichigo thought, trying to keep his focus on his enemy. They hadn't made much progress with each other. Ichigo sustained minor cuts and bruises while the hollow-like creature harbored a few nicks and scratches. Minute after minute, hour after hour, they fought…even after all that time remained in the same position. _How much longer can this go on? _

Ichigo and Renji had lost track of time, too engulfed in the battle to care. Ichigo began to wonder if it was even possible to kill this thing.

The orange-haired shinigami slammed hard into the ground on his left shoulder, skidding to a halt near to a tree. Swearing under his breath, Ichigo hastily stood up again, wiping blood out of his eyes. He began to swing with his left arm when pain shot into his shoulder, blurring his vision for a moment. _Crap…_He grimaced.

Careful not to disturb his arm much, he closed in for the attack again. His bankai was starting to feel heavy in his hands, his swings in slow motion.

_I postpone death by living, by suffering, by error, by risking, by giving, by losing…_

_By protecting…_

Ichigo turned his head only to see his partner, Renji, fall unconscious; bankai rendered useless and returning to its unreleased state. He had the long and deep gashes down his back, staining the grass around him. _Oh, now you've done it you bastard! _Ichigo felt a cold rage enter his being…uncontrolled and twisted, blinding him. His reiatsu churned around him, heavily draped over him…suffocating him.

_No matter how experienced a fighter is, after he is stripped of light, he can't help but fear the darkness. No matter how slight that fear is, the fighter's movements will be slowed down. _

Ichigo shuddered at those words. Why had they come to him now? What was the point? He didn't have any time to waste…

Taking a deep breath, he began to take the offense on his enemy. But succeeding the action, everything happened quickly.

Ichigo had been returning to the ground from a failed attack when the hunger, fatigue and over exertion overcame him. His legs buckled underneath him, refusing to hold his weight. He supported himself on the tip of his sword, trying to make his legs move. He needed them to… _Move…move! Move damn-it! _

Before he could register what had just happened, a searing pain burst out below his chest. A coppery taste rose to his tongue, and blood trailed down the sides of his mouth. Did he dare to look down?

He slowly averted his eyes to the pain, and what he saw made him want to be sick.

His abdomen was a mass of bloody and torn flesh. _How could I have been so stupid!_ His body protested the movements…he turned around, trying to search for Zangetsu. _Crap…crap, crap, crap, crap! _

He heard a scream, distant and cold. But no one else was here…He realized it was himself. His back exploded in pain and he was fighting the urge to sink into unconsciousness. _Just one…_He had picked up his sword, hissing as he managed to stand up, defying the bone-deep pain that pounded in time with his racing heart. "Getsuga…Tenshou!" A familiar black light, rimmed with red flew towards the odd creature, splitting it between its mask. He sunk to his knees and tried to remain conscious, but his vision was preceding into a narrow black tunnel. Breathing coming in shivering gasps, he lay down, thinking about anything else but the pain. Blood lay in a pool around him, thick and warm. _Just take me…_

_Take me and leave me…_

_**A/N yeah..long one lolls the theme for this one is…**_

_**Take It All Away by Red**_


	9. Hurt

**A/N I guess this is a midway point perhaps….maybe only part one :P idk lol but anyways enjoy and I guess for this one the song (theme thing) would be**

**Hurt by Nine Inch Nails**

He felt a sharp pain around his waist, and a feeling as if he was floating. He couldn't move his body…it wouldn't comply. He was limp…hardly feeling his breaths escaping his lips slowly and uneven.

He could hear muffled noises beside him…fading in and out of focus. One of them sounded familiar and he thought he heard Renji's and his name a few times. He turned his head around, eyes half opened, trying to see his carrier's face through the darkness. He could hardly keep his eyes open, vision swimming in front of him sickeningly. The figure must have sensed his slight movements and looking down, face still dark in the night.

"Ichigo?" A familiar voice sent relief flooding through his veins.

"Urahara…?" All Ichigo could hear from himself was an unintelligible choking noise as blood made its way up his throat and began to flood its way out his mouth.

A look of sympathy passed the shopkeepers features as he began his quick gait. Ichigo had no clue where he was going…he couldn't concentrate on anything but the pain and the nagging feeling that this was the end. He closed his eyes again, refusing the tight feeling in his throat. Not here…A shudder passed its way through his body. He could feel an unmistakable cold, that had nothing to do with the night air, creep up on him.

_Take me away... _

He could hear voices….Far away. He was held in a black abyss, hardly any feeling penetrated his body. All he could feel was a building pressure on his chest, disappearing for a few moments and then recommencing again. He soon figured after it had been continuing for quite a while that it stung. His normal reaction would be to flinch and fight off whatever was causing the sensation but his body wouldn't comply. He made an attempt to move his fingers, but quickly stopped as pain shot up his arm.

"Kurosaki?" The same voice from that night answered to his movements.

He couldn't seem to find his voice…he felt disconnected. He tried to speak but nothing came through his mouth. His body seemed shut down, like only his mind could function.

"Ichigo, can you open your eyes?" Urahara asked him. Ichigo thought he heard a slight amount of fear coat his voice.

_No…_Ichigo had thought but the truth was he hadn't really tried. He concentrated most of his energy on the task and he kicked himself mentally. _How hard can it be?_ He tried again and again…finally success came through to him. A white light blinded him, making him want to shut his eyes again. _Don't…idiot…._He turned his head to look around but all he could see was a blur of images. He couldn't make out the faces of people, even though he knew who they were judged by voice.

"Kurosaki, I need you to drink this," Hat n' Clogs showed him a bottle, though Ichigo wasn't sure what it said, that was filled with a nasty looking brown-black liquid.

Voice still not favoring him, he shook his head.

Urahara merely laughed, amusement overcoming his blurred up features. "Still as stubborn as always," he laughed to himself.

The outline of Urahara putting the bottle rim to Ichigo's lips with one hand, the other supporting his head…well to say the least Ichigo was unpleased with the results.

Urahara chuckled as Ichigo shot him the finger.

The liquid tasted like crap, burning his throat like fire. He was able to find his voice and his head cleared a little. His vision came into focus, seeing a look of concern on Urahara's face.

"Now Ichigo, I need you to try to move your arms and legs," He strained to keep the slight shaking out of his voice.

"I'm pretty sure I'm moving them…" Ichigo was trying to hide his growing fear. Why couldn't he feel anything? Why couldn't…

His body started shaking… "What did you do to me…?" Ichigo's tone was scared and in shock.

"We didn't do anything…I'm sorry Ichigo…" Urahara broke eye contact with the orange-haired shinigami.

"What do you mean! What do you mean 'I'm sorry'?"

Renji intervened roughly from the mat next to his. "What I think he's trying to say is that you are now a quadriplegic."

Ichigo gritted his teeth together. He couldn't move a muscle, only his torso. "What happened…"

"The wound to your back was severe, Kurosaki," the now solemn shopkeeper began to explain. "I'm afraid it damaged the nerves connecting to your spine and you lost the use of the arms and legs."

"Then how did I manage to stand up after the wound…before you guys came…" Ichigo said, hardly audible.

"Zangetsu was probably able to postpone the effects of the damage long enough for you to finish the job."

"Can we fix it…will I ever be able to move again?"

The older man sighed, "Well we've considered that but it would take an unimaginable amount of work just to move your hands, let alone you need to support your body weight; which I might add, has dropped severely during your recovery."

_What is it now…_"Anything else you would like to tell me? To make me suffer? I don't see any point in holding back now!" His voice began to raise. Renji shot him a look of sympathy, one that the orange-hair didn't catch. He always thought of Ichigo as an immortal god…getting injured, and dying. But he knew he would always come back. Now Ichigo was rendered useless. And it shocked him…and it was taking its toll on them both.

Ichigo shut his eyes, his chest feeling heavy and his throat tightening. He didn't hold back this time…he didn't really mind. He had nothing to lose…his life might as well have been over. His wounds didn't hurt anymore…he had just noticed. His chest and back were heavily bandaged but healed. Silent tears began streaming down his face. As a natural action, he held back the sobs that wanted to wrack his body.

He didn't feel anything when he was picked up underneath his arms, and carried over to the high futon that he would be sharing with Renji. Two separate beds on each side of the room, one black and one red. The walls were painted white, an odd contrast to the decor which was dark and gloomy. He didn't make eye contact with anyone…simply staring at a ceiling that had nothing to give him. _Life has nothing to give me…not now. I'm broken…_He closed his eyes, hard. He didn't want to feel anything, not now. Truthfully…he couldn't feel anything…at least he could feel his head and the center of his body. But everything else…was gone. It's like someone had chopped off his limbs and killed the pain.

_Isn't there a way out…a way that I have never resorted to? Would anyone miss me if I was gone…would it make a difference? _He closed his eyes around his thoughts. Even he had never saw himself as the kind of guy who would resort to that crap. Never. He didn't think others saw it that way too…but could he be wrong?

The door gently opened. Renji walked in…but this time, the anger didn't boil inside the shattered substitute.

"Come to mock me…?" The words held no malice, only deep sadness.

"Ichigo…it ain't like that." Renji explained. "We didn't know…we didn't have a clue."

"I figured as much…"

A silence.

Renji sat on the futon across from Ichigo's, looking down at his feet. "The thing is…you ain't immortal. A lot of us saw you as the kind who would hold up. The kind who wouldn't fall, no matter how hard the road or the fight." He wasn't making eye contact. "It's not like I am actually worried about you…I'm scared _for _you, Ichigo." He pounded his fist against the wall, face contorted in hidden pain. He had admired him…and now he was crippled for life?

"Don't think this hurts you more than it hurts me…seeing me like this. Seeing _myself_ like this." Ichigo whispered. "I didn't expect it. I…I don't see any way out Renji."

Renji's eyes widened in shock as Ichigo's hidden message, his subtle hint came across. "Ichigo you-"

"Don't…If you really admire me…you're going to help me." A pained but willing look took over him. "I don't have anything left…"

Ichigo breathed.


	10. PLEASE READ

**Ok I guess I'm taking a small break…this is like a pit-stop and I'm going away on the 22 of January and coming back on the 28th of January so I should resume on the 29th. (2011 of course). But there are a few things I need to address, don't worry nothing serious lol**

**1. Writer's Block**

**2. I'm not getting enough reviews…don't have any inspiration T.T**

**3. (this one is more of a request)*****

**But yeah…that's pretty much it. I don't really have a reason to go on for now so I will put the request below :P**

***** This may be too much to ask but I need more reviews :P I'm not getting anywhere and I'm writing to an empty group of people. I know people may be reading and thinking 'what a piece of crap this story is' but…if you guys could please review, not just saying like OMG IT WAS AMAZING (that works sometimes lol) but giving me constructive criticism like**

**1. What I'm doing wrong**

**2. What I'm doing right**

**3. What characters I need to work on**

**4. Who is OOC (out of character)**

**5. Anything else that grabs your attention :P**

**So if it wouldn't hurt to pass this story around a bit, tell them to read this first if you think they need to. I want to right something that people will enjoy SO I need the resources (and I know this sounds cheesy and crappy) from the heart. The will to write lol (god that sentence sounded stupid XD) so yeah…send it around and ask them to review! **

**Sorry for being a pain in the butt…I sound desperate but I have been writing like mad. So anyways, enjoy and I will keep writing until the 22nd! **


	11. Tearing Away

"Help me up, Renji…"

"Ichigo…you can't, at least not now," he replied, shaking his head.

"Then we'll go one step at a time…"

"You might want to make sure you have even gained the ability to move those parts you idiot," Renji's insult was half-hearted.

Ichigo sighed. "This must be damn painful for you to watch…"

"Nah…" Renji stopped. "For it to happen to someone who has lived such a short life as yours is the real tragedy."

"I didn't say anything about a tragedy," Ichigo looked him in the eyes and the corners of his mouth twitched. Almost a small smile. "Renji…before we go through with this, I want you to do something for me."

Questioning eyes met sad ones.

"Come here," he beckoned.

In order as for no one outside the room to hear, they whispered.

Renji closed his eyes, not happy with the request. "If it's what you want."

"Do it now…the longer you wait the harder it is."

Renji flipped open his Soul Pager, pale blue screen lighting up the darkness. "Hello? Captain Kurosaki has been found dead near the site of the incident…" Renji closed his eyes. "His last request was to tell Rukia Kuchiki that he loves her and he won't make it home tonight."

Ichigo held back the tears as he imagined Rukia's face, broken at the sound of the news. Broken…when he was alive with Urahara.

"And…please hold the captain position open, and disband the squad temporarily. You know how the Substitute Shinigami Kurosaki is…always coming back from the dead and all."

_Was that supposed to be a pun? _Ichigo rolled his eyes. _Hell…that was lame. _

The call ended.

Silence.

"Well… they said they will tell Kuchiki immediately. She will probably try to contact me afterwards…are you sure you want this?"

"Would you rather she finds out I'm crippled for life?" Ichigo's voice shook. He tried to move his arm but could merely twitch his wrist. Didn't matter…

"Ichigo…if something happens to her after she figures this out it will be your fault."

"Don't think I don't already know that!" His voice was raised. Scared. He rolled onto his stomach and buried his face in the pillow as he felt the tears break through, his breaths coming out shaky and uncontrolled. "I'm a sorry sight aren't I…" he couldn't hide the shaking in his tone. "Pretty messed up." A sad laugh came along with the remark.

Renji simply shook his head. "This ain't the end, Ichigo. Maybe you think it is…but there are so many open doors now."

"Since when have you been the philosophical type…and why the hell are you being so nice to me?"

The red-head looked away, and suddenly became interested in the paintings on the wall. "Ichigo…this isn't easy for any of us. We aren't going to treat you like dirt. This is hard for you too…"

_"Sometimes we let affection, go unspoken. Sometimes we let our love, go unexpressed. Sometimes we can't find words to tell our feelings, especially towards those we love the best."_

_"_What?" Renji didn't know what the hell the kid was talking about.

"Heard it in a book once…and if I really loved her." Ichigo went on, silent tears running down his face. "I would let her go…"

"Ichigo -"

Ichigo hissed as pain burst out in his stomach. _Well that was convenient…_ The pain settled down but he felt like a bomb. Like any movement would set it off again. He kept his breathing shallow and quick, and his movements close to zero. "Get Urahara…now!" Ichigo snapped through clenched teeth.

"What? Why!"

"Just shut up and do it!" he winced.

Time seemed to slow down, like almost an hour had past since it started. The shopkeeper dressed in green slammed the doors open.

Ichigo was picked up gently. Urahara was aware that any slight movement could be painful.

"Urahara…" Ichigo began, being set down on a healing mat. "You were wrong." His breaths were coming in a pattern. A shaky intake, breath held for a few seconds then a strong and unstable exhale. "While I was still asleep, but conscious, you said there was something odd about my wounds. You said they were inflamed beyond reason and the wound was too shallow to cause that kind of damage." Ichigo continued.

The shopkeeper pondered the possibility for a moment. "We're going to need a test. Mind you it's going to hurt…"

Ichigo nodded and closed his eyes.

A scream of pain echoed through the night sky.

**A/N Yeah I wasn't really happy with this one, I did it at like 5-6 in the morning so yeah…lol but hope you enjoyed anyways! I know I'm hurting Ichigo too much but trust the storyline and you will understand why it's key ;) You can expect another update today and keep reviewing! The reviews were the only reason I wrote this and thanks for the reviews guys ^.^**

**Theme is… *drum roll please***

**Tearing Away by Eyeshine**

**Enjoy ;)**


	12. IMPORTANT!

**Ok so I read Nickstar1991's review and I think he was right :P I guess I am sort of rushing and I haven't given any outside information it just starts and ends somewhere SO I have a few options I am willing to take**

**1. Explain backdrop, etc. in next chapter**

**2. Stop the story**

**3. Stop the story and completely re-write**

**4. Start a new story**

**5. Fix up the first seven chapters**

**6. Give up story and drop it, delete it and start new (kind of like option 2)**

**So review your opinion at this chapter! I know my writing sucks :P So I'm willing to take everyone's advice. **

**P.S Thanks Nickstar1991 for giving me the review. Wasn't expecting it to be that straightforward but that is what I wanted I guess. So thank you, and I will probably put everything on hold for a while :P**

**And thanks everyone for the reviews, (keep reviewing I need to know what you think)**


	13. UPDATE!

**Hey! So I decided to go with option 1 (majority rules guys lol) and I will explain it all right here. Btw if you can, plz do the poll I'm hosting on my profile ^.^**

**Ok so the setting is right after the war, when Ichigo is lying on the floor and Rukia was freaking in chapter one. So its pretty much ranging from:**

**Ch 1 - Ch 3: days after the war**

**Ch 4 - Ch 5: weeks after the war**

**Ch 6: months after the war**

**Ch 7: huge flashback, figure out the meaning for yourself ;)**

**Ch 8, Ch 9, Ch 11 - months after the war**

**So there is your time setting! So here is the deal with most of the characters (with there random appearance and disappearances)**

**Ichigo - **_Constant presence, hurt in the final round during the war. In recovery. Rukia leaves, he is crushed. Goes on forgotten task to Central 46 chamber, gets whacked in flood. A few months later, he starts getting chronic headaches (don't worry they make a comeback along with an explanation XD) and has a moment during a captain's meeting (becomes captain of Squad 14 over the months after the flood). He senses Rukia's spiritual pressure when she decides to return [or is it a decision] and they reunite. Ichigo and Renji (still a lieutenant) are sent on a mission to discover the mysterious disappearances of the Gotei 13 squad members and encounter a hollow-like creature. Ichigo's injuries ranged from his back, deep and bloody, to his abdomen (same deal). He wakes up in Urahara's shop and figures out he is a quadriplegic after spinal damage. He contemplates what life has to offer him and asks Renji to help him. He is afraid to tell Rukia what is really going on, because he fears she can't handle the truth…but will the lies be the end? :)_

**Rukia - **_Secondary character (I guess). Only disappears for a few chapters. She believes that she can't protect him and leaves. She then returns, out of her own will (?) and reunites with Ichigo in the Seireitei. They did a little something :) on one night and there is a little something later in the story XD So then she disappears for a while, and that's it. _

**Renji - **_Even less of an appearance, pretty much participating in a fight is his main role. Otherwise he just pisses Ichigo off XD But he respects Ichigo ;) _

**Urahara**_** - **__Hardly any appearances, just helping Ichigo recover and figure out what's going on_

**So the plot line so far is explained along with the characters so because Ichigo is hurt for the (insert high number here) time, Rukia wants to be the one to protect him instead of him protecting her and getting hurt for it. But she realizes that she isn't doing him any good if she leaves and then you will figure out the rest during the story. **

**Review if you want any more info! (I think I missed some things) but hopefully this gets you all up to date!**


	14. Corner of Your Heart

_"Ever since then, Rukia hasn't come to Karakura town even once…"_

_"…Aren't you lonely?"_

_"Like hell I'd be…"_

I promise I'll make you happy...

Knitted by the vine of darkness, I can't even see the path below my feet. =

The chain of sadness and regret,

Just makes me keep struggling to break free

From the rift between clouds,

The single ray of light breaks out and reels in

Connecting to tomorrow

If my wish could be granted

I want to make the flowers bloom again

Because right now with them I can take away your sadness

Under this shining starry sky

There's a flower that will never wither

Let's make them bloom tomorrow

Right here I swear

I promise I'll make you happy…

**A/N This is sort of connecting to the story line, you can review but please no comments on what the hell this is…just thought some of you might enjoy the words and the little something-something that goes along with it ^.^ Figure out its meaning for yourself…its more than it seems ;) **

**The theme song is…**

**Corner of Your Heart by Ingrid Michaelson**

**If you want to see that little something-something privately message me ^.^**


	15. Talk To Me

Ichigo stood to his feet, and got dressed. He sighed. Just another day in the relentless struggle of fate…

He closed his eyes.

_His hand curled into a fist, ready to smack the wry smile off of the red-haired lieutenant's face. _

_"Kurosaki-kun! You did it!" The chestnut haired girl applauded, clapping her hands together. _

_His eyes averted to his feet._

_"It's nothing to be proud of…Inoue," Ichigo spoke softly. _

_Once you take off the blindfold of hope, you'll be able to see reality…and that hope had been torn out…_

Ichigo opened his eyes again…remembering the faint glimmer of determination he felt deep in his soul. _What would Rukia say if she could see me now? _The orange-haired shinigami wondered this…if the raven-haired girl who had changed his world would feel sympathy, sorrow, anger…disappointment?

_I hate myself for a lot of reasons…Rukia, but what I'm doing to you is the most I've ever hated myself…_

_I'm sorry._

He took one step forward, no longer leaning on the wall to support his numb legs. He could no longer feel pain…or any sense in his lower limbs. He felt like a body in mid-air. He opened the door with his hands…again no awareness coursing through his limbs.

His chest felt heavy…not with pain, but with sadness. He can't believe what he had done to her…what she could be going through, he couldn't imagine.

_"Kurosaki-san, I am sorry to say but your theory was incorrect." Even through the shadows cast by the man's hat, the shopkeepers eyes portrayed raw sympathy. _

_Ichigo didn't need this…"So it wasn't venom? This isn't just some fixable state that I'm in, is it? Not the supernatural, the genetical mistakes, the temporary fixes and disasters that plague our world is it?' His voice was beginning to become frantic. "I'm stuck like this forever aren't I?" The pains had died down in his abdomen…it only turned out being blood leaking into his organs. No big deal…he's had worse._

_Almost too quietly for Ichigo to hear, the older man says, "I'm sorry, Kurosaki-san." _

He needed to talk to someone…he would never resort to the young girl to spill out how he felt but he thought it necessary. He arrived at the apartment door and gently tapped on the white wood. A familiar face appeared, kind and surprised at his unnatural visit.

"Kurosaki-Kun?" His familiar title called his attention back to his surroundings. It was much like her old place, though more spacious and comfortable.

"Inoue…I -" He wasn't sure what to tell her.

She noticed the look in his eyes, the emotions he instinctively and habitually tried to hide. The pain and sadness, the anger…his hatred. She understood.

"It makes me sick now…laughing when all I want to do is cry my eyes out but…I put on a brave face anyways. To try not to pain those around me…they shouldn't have to share my crap. They don't need it…" Silent tears were streaming from his eyes, salt water dripping down his face and staining his shihakusho.

_Sometimes I feel like nobody has held me down and forced me to cry or made me hug them, or try to see the inside of me. I just say 'oh I'm fine' and walk away. Nobody's ever said to me 'no you're not'. _

**A/N So this is my last update before I go away, though I still might have chance for another update tonight ^.^ Anyways this was random, and no stupid reviews, just normal ones thanks lol I really didn't know what I was doing, I guess its just more 'into the Ichigo' kinda deal. But please try to do my poll thing on my profile I need to know what you all think! **


	16. What is left?

He got up and sighed.

Light filtered through the room through the curtains casting dim light across the floor and walls. It was a familiar glow, though not quite angelic as it might have seemed. It was actually eerie.

He remembered his talk with Inoue…his breakdown. That was so unlike him…and he felt his face go slightly red with the memories. If Renji found out he wouldn't hear the end of it.

The lieutenant had returned to Soul Society, and had kept up the facade that Ichigo had passed away along with the strange hollow that had attacked the small town. He felt kind of lonely…because he wasn't supposed to exist.

He shrugged.

What was he supposed to do? Suddenly turn up and say he was back from the dead? He shook his head. No.

He slid open the door in Urahara's shop, slightly stumbling out into the hallway. Bright light flooded the area, and he squinted against the harshness. After an uncomfortable adjustment he went on about a usual routine.

Get up, have breakfast, go outside, kill a hollow or two, etc.

His days weren't eventful but it was enough to keep him occupied for a few hours. Occasionally in his trances of concentration, a pang of sadness would stab him in the heart. A painful reminder of those he had forgotten and left behind…it always stared him in the face. Places they spent together…it was everywhere. His past. His seemingly fake life.

He returned the plates and cups to the sink, and changed into his shihakusho. Zangetsu was hung over his back, but the familiar weight had now disappeared. His rolled his numb shoulders, an old habit…to see if there was any feeling left.

He concentrated the energy in his feet as he stepped onto the pavement outside the store and disappeared in a flash. Shunpo. The name rang in his ears, his training with Yoruichi…old discarded memories.

He sped through the small town where he grew up, wind whipping his face and stinging his eyes. He passed his house and Ishida's hospital. His school, his friends' houses. And then he arrived at the river where his mother was killed. He intentionally avoided this place…but he needed to think. Alone.

His orange hair blew in the cold breeze. _What is there to think about…? Nothing…I guess, since nothing has happened. Just blankness…_

A warm tear slid its way down his face, and fell onto the cold and hard pavement. He was used to it now…the pain that kissed him so frequently. The pain that held him in a tight embrace…not wanting to let go. He didn't flinch anymore when the sobs wracked his body. He didn't feel embarrassed anymore, he just couldn't feel it.

_What have I left?_

_~Seireitei~_

She sat on the edge of the bed, tears glistening in her eyes. She still couldn't believe it…the man she loved…the man who made her smile again. He was gone…forever. She kept expecting him to walk right in the front door like nothing happened. Days upon days she waited, wanting to believe that he was alright. She remembered…the days under her brother's cherry trees. When he told her he loved her. Where everything started…then the war began. Aizen was defeated and it was considered a victory. It had appeared killing the traitor hadn't been enough…and Ichigo had been hurt. And now…he was gone, after all he had been through. And all he is putting _her_ through. She told him she wouldn't forgive him if he died. And she won't…he doesn't deserve it.

**A/N sorry for the 'long time no update deal' at least a long time for me XD came back from vacation and guess what I had in my way :( A WRITERS BLOCK! AGHHH so sorry if this wasn't really the greatest in the world but its showing that I'm still here and working ^_^ Enjoy and please please review I need to know what you all think XD **


	17. Time And Time Again

A strong spiritual pressure crashed into him, snapping him out of his sorrow. It was heavy and stifling, choking the victims. It wasn't one that he recognized, for it was more hostile than just a mere hollow's. It was close.

Flash step guided him quickly to the scene. He stopped mid-step and his eyes grew wider. Pictures and faint memories danced before him, and he felt an anger boil up in his chest. His hands instinctively reached behind him, on his right, to pull out Zangetsu. Seeing that he had the sword securely gripped, his hands not feeling any motion, he went on the offensive. The creature was faster than last time…faster than that time with Renji, but this time he didn't have the lieutenant to back him up. In his unconscious moment of worry, the creature had slammed its clawed fist on the ground far too close for comfort. _Crap!_ The creature had a partial mask, covering its left eye with jagged teeth circling the inside ring. It was a large hollow…huge actually, with a hole exactly where the mask covered…on its left eye. He began to see red…hell he was pissed.

He had restarted his assault on his enemy, carefully scanning the enemy's movements, watching muscle patterns along with the attacks it threw out. A clawed hand, the size of half of Ichigo's body, swiped downwards as the shinigami recovering from a blow to the head. It scoured into his back and as he hit the floor he thought he could hear his spine crack. His wrist was in an impossible angle underneath him whilst the creature had managed to crack the bone in his leg with ease. He couldn't feel any pain. At least not from those wounds. He tried to get up, putting weight on his broken leg, but it was structurally impossible and it wouldn't hold his weight. Its long tail collided with his head, sending him sprawling across the grass. His vision blurred uncomfortably, and he couldn't seem to move. His back ached…and when he moved electrical waves of pain shot up his spine. His world faded in and out of black and the last thing he heard before blacking out was, "Scream, Benihime!" and a flash of red light.

* * *

_Hell, this is like a deja vu. _He opens his eyes and quickly shuts them again. He doesn't know where he is and a blinding headache made his eyes sting. He felt was still in someone's arms, their steps hasty and panicked. He sensed their distressed reiatsu, and he wondered what could have gotten them so worked up…and why was be being carried? He hissed barely audibly as he began to feel the injuries of the fight. Unless…He could only see the fields where he had passed to get to the hollow, and he felt his chest turn into lead.

"Let me down…" Ichigo said softly, but loud enough for the man to hear.

"Ichigo?"

"Please…let me down," his voice was beginning to sound desperate.

He felt his body being lowered and he let out a cry of pain as his broken leg was abused. He felt like he was going to throw up and soon enough, a thick red liquid splattered onto the grass. His body shook…_Where the hell is it coming from…?_

He felt hands take him around the waist again and gently carried him away, flash stepping throughout Karakura town until they reached Urahara Shoten. He flexed his wrist and could barely suppress a whimper as pain flew up his arm.

_Time and time again…_

_**A/N **_**So there's my new chapter, sorry if it isn't that long but yeah….see if you can see what might happen next ^_^ (sigh) the things Ichigo puts up with to satisfy my stories XD But I guess the theme is Pain by Three Days Grace! I think its obvious whats coming…read in-between the lines and focus on what he feels…you might figure it out :) lol anyways PLEASE review…kinda losing inspiration ;~; lolzz anyways please review tho!**


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